We can preach a better sermon with our actions than with our words.
There I was, with a group of 8 young people at a small business college, and we were talking about what was needed to get them employed. The more we chatted, the more convinced I became that they didn't really know what was expected in the business world. Not only that, they didn't have a clue as to what they wanted for their careers either.
So, a conversation about values and vision was given birth, and we spent a few minutes kicking it around until I decided that I wanted them to write a vision for themselves and take it out to 5 years from now.
A couple of them dove right into the assignment, writing feverishly filling up the page that I gave them and finishing their thoughts by writing the rest on the back. One girl just sat there and stared at her paper and said that she didn't know what to write, or how to write it. Her parroted answer to every question I would ask her was "I don't know". From my vantage point I could see it wasn't that she "didn't know" what to write, it was that she wouldn't. She then told me this was a silly exercise and she didn't want to do it.
OK, I said... who's next?
When we were wrapping up our assignment, I decided to have them share their visions with the group so that we could all hear them and offer encouragement and support, and motivate them towards enthusiastically going out and seeking success. So, one at a time I had them stand and tell us what their vision was.
On the whole, it was working pretty good until one girl stood up and gave her vision to the rest of us. "OK Jackie, what have you written for your future vision?" I innocently asked.
18 year old Jackie is an attractive girl who was a dancer and figure skater. She had trained a bit with Joseé Choinard, and she had won numerous figure skating competitions. She seemed to have so much enthusiasm towards the class and the assignment at hand. Now that it was her turn we waited as she stood to her feet and announced her vision, which literally stunned me to silence.
"My vision is to leave this college, get a normal job for a little while to make enough money to go to Alberta to be with my boyfriend, then get pregnant and have him take care of me."
I was waiting for her to say "Just kidding", but it never came, and she stood there, waiting for me to say something profound, which never came either.
I said "You're kidding, right?"
"No" she replied, "That is what I want. You see if I get pregnant, then he'll never leave me, and I won't have to work."
"Jackie, life doesn't work like that." I said. "There are no guarantees, other than someday, you're going to die. Other than that, nothing can be written in stone.
A vision is supposed to inspire you to be more than you are today, and it must create a sense of "I can do that" so that you charge into it with enthusiasm and confidence." I continued. "But putting your total life's happiness and success into getting pregnant so that someone will never leave you is not where I would want anyone to be at 18 years of age. You are standing at the door of your great adventure with the keys to be anything you want to be in your hands, and you are choosing to just let them drop in the dirt while you waste your potential. Jackie, you are so much more than that. I wish you could see that."
It wasn't for me to tell her what she wanted in her life, she was the only one to do that, but I remembered what I felt like when I was 18 and starting out on my great adventure, and getting pregnant with someone wasn't even in the whole book of things that I wanted for my life. I wanted more.
I wanted adventure, I wanted excitement, I wanted freedom and I wanted choice.
She wanted neither. She wanted to manipulate someone to stay with her by having his baby.
Of all of the things that some people throw away in this life, throwing away their future is the most disheartening.
We sometimes make poor decisions for our future by trying to hold on to the comfort of today. But today only lasts 24 hours. After that, it's gone and is only a memory.
If you could be 18 again, what would you write for your vision? If you could get a "mulligan" for your life, what would you do?
Would you hold on to today and try to make it a repeat, or would you let it go and savour the memory of it while you created more in your life?
I'm hoping that you'd create more! I'm hoping that you would never settle for what you didn't want just because if felt good at the time. I'm hoping that you'd never stop learning, living and loving. I'm hoping that you'd create a big vision and then pursue it with all that you have. To choose less is to deny ourselves of what we truly could be.
This week, why not take the time to re-evaluate your life goals and dreams? Get them out of your head and into your life, and when you do, you won't ever have to wonder what happened to your life, you'll be creating it on purpose as each day goes by.
© 2008 Paul Kearley CS, For 22 years, Paul Kearley has thrived in the personal development and coaching business. As a Master Business Coach, Paul's passion is in developing and creating increased potential, and coaching people to create success
A newspaper columnist, and editor for "E-Motion", his own weekly ezine, and author of 3 e-books, Paul writes articles that address the everyday challenges we all have and face in life and in business, and offers suggestions for success
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